In, Out, LBW

Sardarji has 3 trays in his office for files:


Someone asked, “Sardarji, what is this LBW for?”

Sardarji: Let the Bhenchod Wait.

Bra Panties

An American lady is window-shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside goes to the shop and asks in very American accent to the shopkeeper…

– What is the time?

The shopkeeper is a very patriotic man and hates foreigners and their English accent while speaking. So he replies back in the same accent – Bra-panties!

Confused the lady asks again: No! No! What’s the time???

The shopkeeper again answers back: Bra-panties!!!

– “Bra-panties???” The lady retorted.

Seeing the confusion going between the two a passerby comes to the rescue of the lady and says: “Arre bhai, aap samjh nahin rahe ho!! Woh aapko time puuch rahii hai!!”

The angry shopkeeper shots back at him…
“Toh main bhi to unko time hee bataa rahan hun barah panthis (12:35)!!”

Chilli Powder

To avoid condom related accident, use 2 condoms with chilli powder in between them.

If outer one breaks, she will know; and if inner one breaks, you will know!

– William Madarchod

Job Recruiter

Received a call from a recruitment consultant. She said to me: “Sir I have two openings for you…!”

I replied: “Yes. I know.”

There was a long silence and then she said… “Madarchod.”

Stolen Honey

A beautiful thought to end the day. “Attitude Matters”

Once a Bird asked a Bee: After constant Hard-Work, You Prepare Honey. But a man comes & steals it. ‘Do you not feel sad’?

Wonderful reply by Bee: Tu apni maa chuda na bhosdike.

Two Cup Tea

Two British men go to a restaurant in Delhi.

One of the men orders from the waiter, “Two cup tea.”

The waiter shouts back:

“Tu kapti? Tu kapti, teri maa kapti, aur tera baap kapti! Saala bekar ka aadmi!”

Heathrow airport

At Heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the public address system: “Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas – please report to the Reception desk”.

Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived ex Surat, goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist.

The following conversation must go into history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhodbhai: Madar Chod! I am Ranchhod.

Receptionist: Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod? That is not the name I have. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas.

Ranchhodbhai: Arrey Bhenchod! I am NOT Madar chod!

Receptionist: So you are Mr. Ben Chod?? Is your surname Ben or Chod?

Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed off) Chootia teri…! I am Ranchhod…

Receptionist: So who is Chootia Teri then?

Just then a Chinese guy turns up at the Reception.

Chinese Guy: Were you calling me?

Receptionist: Who are you?

Chinese Guy: I am Choo Tia Ta Rie.

Whereupon Mr. Ranchhodbhai Karsandas gives up and flies back to Surat. On his way to Security Check, he hears a call for a Mr. D.K. Bose whose name on the flight manifest was written as BOSE D.K.

“Mr. Bose DK, CALLING MR. BOSE DK, arrived from BHOSARI, PUNE, INDIA… Your son is waiting for you outside…”